Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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