the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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