gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
