Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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