Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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