I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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