It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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