Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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