I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
