I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
