i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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