some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
