I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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