I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
