There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
