Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
