Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.