I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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