Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
did i just pee glitter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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