she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
