I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize