I think my vagina is haunted
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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