she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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