I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
