I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
