she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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