i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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