I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
