So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my shit smells like andre
i dont even know how to be here
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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