I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
