i permit you to call me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
MIDGETS
????
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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