my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
