Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
