You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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