I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
