Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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