I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
