your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
