I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have post one night stand depression
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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