Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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