so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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