I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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