I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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