I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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