6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are we still banned from the library?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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