you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
