My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think your dad took our porno
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
