i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
