I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
