...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
