Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
