you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
