I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
