I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
