Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
