dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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