Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
