If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
