We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
